Monday, May 14, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 8.2
If you don't know what you are looking for, then how will you know how to find it. We had 2 hours to complete all three stages of this challenge. It took me about 1 hour & 20 minutes to clear stage 1. Fred cleared stage 1 in 1 hour & 22 minutes and Andy cleared stage 1 in 1 hour & 33 minutes. In stage 2, I did not realize that I was in a maze of some kind because I could only see a very small part of the big picture, so I did nothing about it. Fred & Andy were not as discouraged as I and each found a key (in the maze) worth +1 on the next Mole Quiz. These two Agents are more deserving of winning this game. I just wanted to see how far I could get by playing again. Good Luck to Fred & Andy...You have played this game much better than I have and one of you should win !
Sunday, May 13, 2007
THE FINAL CHALLENGE HAS ARRIVED
Andy, Fred & myself have been trying to come up with a time & date that works for all sice April 29. That day is here ! It will be this afternoon @ 5 PM. GOOD LUCK !
Sunday, April 29, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 8.1
THREE QUESTIONS: This was another one of those random guessing challenges that we did not do well in. The $4 prize was not added to the pot...no surprise there. The Mole did not have to mess this one up because we did it for him. I can only hope that we will be successful in the Final Challenge. It is not about the money anymore, it is about Team Pride for being able to work together to accomplish the mission. Note to Mole...Leave your EGO at the door when you come here to play for the last time!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
POST EXECUTION CONFESSIONAL FOR AGENT EVIN
OMG...This is not the way it was supposed to work out! Evin has been my choice for 1 of the Final 3 in this game for a long time. There is now a void in the game which can't be filled by those who remain. I really had much repect for the way he played this game. We both got frustrated by losing challenges, but showed it in different ways. If anyone thought that he was the Mole... THEY WERE WRONG! I hope you will keep in touch with us because you are a "Class Act" and a Great Player. Your presence in this game will be missed by all. Take Care, Evin and I hope to hear from you again.Sunday, April 8, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 7.1, 7.2, 7.3
WALL STREET: It was just too hard to make any serious money for the pot with this challenge. I am not a very good investor and my net loss with the stocks I picked was all the proof I needed. I don't know if the other 3 Agents did well. I am sure they will tell us in their own Blog.
MINDSWEEPER: I was lucky enough to get paired up with Fred in this challenge because he has an amazing understanding of how to play this game. As we got closer to the deadline, Host Ryan M let the two of us finish this game by ourselves. We were successful and added $ 3.50 to the Pot.
IN THE DARK: We only had 1 hour to complete this challenge. I found 1 key, Fred found 1 key & Evin found 2 keys...Andy was left with only himself and 4 matches. After many tries, the Guard could only beat Evin which caused him to lose his 2 keys. There was not enough time for Fred or myself to try to get them back from the Guard without risking our own keys. Nobody won Immunity.
Note: Fred is going into the next Mole Quiz with a +1 and I am going into the next Mole Quiz with a +2. This will make it tougher for Evin & Andy to make it to the FINAL 3 !
MINDSWEEPER: I was lucky enough to get paired up with Fred in this challenge because he has an amazing understanding of how to play this game. As we got closer to the deadline, Host Ryan M let the two of us finish this game by ourselves. We were successful and added $ 3.50 to the Pot.
IN THE DARK: We only had 1 hour to complete this challenge. I found 1 key, Fred found 1 key & Evin found 2 keys...Andy was left with only himself and 4 matches. After many tries, the Guard could only beat Evin which caused him to lose his 2 keys. There was not enough time for Fred or myself to try to get them back from the Guard without risking our own keys. Nobody won Immunity.
Note: Fred is going into the next Mole Quiz with a +1 and I am going into the next Mole Quiz with a +2. This will make it tougher for Evin & Andy to make it to the FINAL 3 !
Friday, April 6, 2007
How to Identify Where A Driver Is From...
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
List of U.S. Sanctuary Cities
Despite a federal law that requires local governments to cooperate with Department of Homeland Security's Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Agency, many large urban cities (and some small) have adopted so-called "sanctuary policies." Generally, sanctuary policies instruct city employees not to notify the federal government of the presence of illegal aliens living in their communities. The policies also end the distinction between legal and illegal immigration -- so illegal aliens often benefit from city services too.
The justification of creating sanctuary cities is often under the guise of protecting "immigrant rights." But illegal aliens are not immigrants -- immigrants come to the US legally, and maintain their legal presence. When a person is illegally smuggled into the US or knowingly violates their visa restrictions -- he/she is not an immigrant or visitor, but an illegal alien subject to deportation. The real reason behind sanctuary policies are public officials bowing to political pressure from the open-border lobby -- and/or an attempt to pander for votes at election time...
Alabaster, AL
Phoenix, AZ
Bell Gardens, CA
City of Industry, CA
City of Commerce, CA
Cypress, CA
Davis CA
Diamond Bar, CA
Downey, CA
Lakewood, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Long Beach, CA
Maywood, CA
Paramount, CA
Pico Rivera, CA
Sonoma County, CA
So. Gate, CA
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Vernon, CA
Wilmington, CA
Aurora, CO
Commerce City, CO
Denver, CO
Federal Heights, CO
Fort Collins CO
Thornton, CO
Westminster, CO
Springfield CT (Disputed)
DeLeon Springs, FL
Deltona, Fl
Miami, FL
Sanford, FL
Chicago, IL
Cambridge, MA
Baltmore, MD
Gaithersburg, MD
Takoma Park, MD
Minneapolis, MN
St. Paul, MN
Camden, NJ
Fort Lee, NJ
Jersey City, NJ
North Bergen, NJ
Trenton, NJ
Union City, NJ
West New York, NJ
Bay Shore, NY
Brentwood, NY
Central Islip, NY
Farmingville, NY
New York City, NY
Peekskill, NY
Riverhead, NY
Shirly/Mastic, NY
Uniondale, NY
Westbury, NY
Charlotte, NC
Raleigh, NC
Winston-Salem, NC
Portland, OR
Austin, TX
Brownsville, TX
Denton, TX
Dallas, TX
Ft.Worth, TX
Houston, TX
Laredo, TX
Mcallen, TX
San Antonio, TX [Note: The Sanctuary status of San Antonio is under dispute so OJJPAC is researching the issue to determine if the city’s belongs on this list or not.]
Provo, UT
Salt Lake City, UT
Fairfax County, VA
Madison, WI
Jackson Hole, WY
The justification of creating sanctuary cities is often under the guise of protecting "immigrant rights." But illegal aliens are not immigrants -- immigrants come to the US legally, and maintain their legal presence. When a person is illegally smuggled into the US or knowingly violates their visa restrictions -- he/she is not an immigrant or visitor, but an illegal alien subject to deportation. The real reason behind sanctuary policies are public officials bowing to political pressure from the open-border lobby -- and/or an attempt to pander for votes at election time...
Alabaster, AL
Phoenix, AZ
Bell Gardens, CA
City of Industry, CA
City of Commerce, CA
Cypress, CA
Davis CA
Diamond Bar, CA
Downey, CA
Lakewood, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Long Beach, CA
Maywood, CA
Paramount, CA
Pico Rivera, CA
Sonoma County, CA
So. Gate, CA
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Vernon, CA
Wilmington, CA
Aurora, CO
Commerce City, CO
Denver, CO
Federal Heights, CO
Fort Collins CO
Thornton, CO
Westminster, CO
Springfield CT (Disputed)
DeLeon Springs, FL
Deltona, Fl
Miami, FL
Sanford, FL
Chicago, IL
Cambridge, MA
Baltmore, MD
Gaithersburg, MD
Takoma Park, MD
Minneapolis, MN
St. Paul, MN
Camden, NJ
Fort Lee, NJ
Jersey City, NJ
North Bergen, NJ
Trenton, NJ
Union City, NJ
West New York, NJ
Bay Shore, NY
Brentwood, NY
Central Islip, NY
Farmingville, NY
New York City, NY
Peekskill, NY
Riverhead, NY
Shirly/Mastic, NY
Uniondale, NY
Westbury, NY
Charlotte, NC
Raleigh, NC
Winston-Salem, NC
Portland, OR
Austin, TX
Brownsville, TX
Denton, TX
Dallas, TX
Ft.Worth, TX
Houston, TX
Laredo, TX
Mcallen, TX
San Antonio, TX [Note: The Sanctuary status of San Antonio is under dispute so OJJPAC is researching the issue to determine if the city’s belongs on this list or not.]
Provo, UT
Salt Lake City, UT
Fairfax County, VA
Madison, WI
Jackson Hole, WY
Friday, March 30, 2007
Ten of the best April Fool's Day hoaxes
NEW YORK (AFP) - From television revealing that spaghetti grows on trees to advertisements for the left-handed burger, the tradition of April Fool's Day stories in the media has a weird and wonderful history.
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
40 Interesting Facts
1. California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.
2. Kangaroos can not walk backwards.
3. 'Jedi' is an official religion, with over 70,000 followers, in Australia.
4. According to a recent survey, more than half of British adults have had sex in a public place!
5. Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life.
6. Nachos is the food most craved by pregnant women.
7. Each year, 24,000 Americans are bitten by rats!
8. Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.
9. The hair of an adult man or woman can stretch 25 percent of its length without breaking.
10. On average, the life span of an American dollar bill is eighteen months.
11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
12. The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
13. Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second.
14. U.S. President Calvin Coolidge liked to eat breakfast while having his head rubbed with Vaseline.
15. When a giraffe's baby is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.
16. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
17. The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
18. How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
19. Penguins can convert salt water into fresh water.
20. In ten minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined!
21. The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.
22. During WWII, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become The Steagles.
23. Nearly 22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
24. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
25. There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.
26. There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.
27. More than 2 million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
28. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
29. Washington, D.C. has one lawyer for every 19 residents!
30. Avocados have more protein than any other fruit.
31. The average car produces a pound of pollution every 25 miles!
32. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
33. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die!
34. The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.
35. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
36. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
37. In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!
38. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
39. Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.
40. One in three male motorists picks their nose while driving.
2. Kangaroos can not walk backwards.
3. 'Jedi' is an official religion, with over 70,000 followers, in Australia.
4. According to a recent survey, more than half of British adults have had sex in a public place!
5. Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life.
6. Nachos is the food most craved by pregnant women.
7. Each year, 24,000 Americans are bitten by rats!
8. Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.
9. The hair of an adult man or woman can stretch 25 percent of its length without breaking.
10. On average, the life span of an American dollar bill is eighteen months.
11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
12. The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
13. Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second.
14. U.S. President Calvin Coolidge liked to eat breakfast while having his head rubbed with Vaseline.
15. When a giraffe's baby is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.
16. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
17. The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
18. How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
19. Penguins can convert salt water into fresh water.
20. In ten minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined!
21. The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.
22. During WWII, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become The Steagles.
23. Nearly 22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
24. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
25. There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.
26. There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.
27. More than 2 million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
28. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
29. Washington, D.C. has one lawyer for every 19 residents!
30. Avocados have more protein than any other fruit.
31. The average car produces a pound of pollution every 25 miles!
32. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
33. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die!
34. The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.
35. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
36. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
37. In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!
38. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
39. Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.
40. One in three male motorists picks their nose while driving.
Just When You Think You Have It Bad, It Gets Worse...
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camo's and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It's performance art.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's thirteen.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camo's and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It's performance art.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's thirteen.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
2008 UEFA Euro Qualifiers
Saturday, March 24, 2007 (All times are EDT)
IRELAND V. WALES @ 10.55 AM (aka-Padraig vs. David)
POLAND V. AZERBAIJAN @ 12.55 AM
LITHUANIA V. FRANCE @ 1.00 PM
ISRAEL V. ENGLAND @ 2.25 PM
ESTONIA V. RUSSIA @ 2.30 PM
GREECE V. TURKEY @ 3.30 PM
CZECH REPUBLIC V. GERMANY @ 3.45 PM
NORWAY V. BOSNIA @ 4.30 PM
PORTUGAL V. BELGIUM @ 6.00 PM
I will return sometime tonight...TTYL !
IRELAND V. WALES @ 10.55 AM (aka-Padraig vs. David)
POLAND V. AZERBAIJAN @ 12.55 AM
LITHUANIA V. FRANCE @ 1.00 PM
ISRAEL V. ENGLAND @ 2.25 PM
ESTONIA V. RUSSIA @ 2.30 PM
GREECE V. TURKEY @ 3.30 PM
CZECH REPUBLIC V. GERMANY @ 3.45 PM
NORWAY V. BOSNIA @ 4.30 PM
PORTUGAL V. BELGIUM @ 6.00 PM
I will return sometime tonight...TTYL !
Friday, March 23, 2007
Knight's Journey
The Brave Knight from the Kingdom of Chessboard has grown tired of the excessive usage of his L-shaped movement in various puzzles has decided to leave forever. However, he quickly realizes that his world is limited to a standard 8 by 8 chessboard. So instead of leaving, he opts to tour as many places on the chessboard without landing on any square twice and without ever crossing his path. The path he takes is defined as a straight line between the starting and ending squares. What path should he take?
What The New Job-Lingo Means
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Inspirational Phrases You Will Never Hear At Work...
1. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."
2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.
6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
7. 2 days without a human rights violation.
8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.
14. Plagiarism saves time.
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.
6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
7. 2 days without a human rights violation.
8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.
14. Plagiarism saves time.
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Idiots At Work - Chronicles Of Workplace Stupidity
A WEIGHTY SUBJECT
A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" The agent replied, "No, why do you ask?" The timid sounding woman said, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent regained her composure she explained to the woman that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. Makes you wonder if the woman saw the word “terminal” on her luggage if she would have thought she was really sick.
A REAL TRAVEL ADVENTURE
A rather confused woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." Needless to say, the agent was rather confused by the request. "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, I’m sure," said the client. "What flights to you have?" The agent got on the computer and tried every airport code in the country but couldn't come up with a city named Hippopotamus. She finally got back on the phone and told the person on the other end that she had had no luck locating a city with that name. "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured the map of New York state looking for any city that might vaguely sound or look like Hippopotamus. Finally, and as a last ditch effort; asked the woman, "You don’t, by any chance mean Buffalo, do you?" "Oh, right, that's it. I knew it was a big animal."
YOUR BRAIN - DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A woman had just purchased several items she needed from a department store and was handed the credit card receipt to sign. The cashier noticed that the back of the woman’s credit card wasn't signed and told her she couldn't complete the transaction without a signed card. The woman was slightly confused by this request but complied and signed the back of the card immediately after signing the receipt. The cashier took both the receipt and the card, held them up, and compared the signature. Surprisingly they matched.
THAT'S JUST GOOFY!
The management of Walt Disney World, after two months of negotiation, finally relented and no longer makes the costume character actors share their underwear. Before the final settlement the actors were only allowed to wear Disney provided underwear that were laundered and passed out randomly. The actor complained to management that the underwear was often not clean, smelled bad, had stains and "things have been passed around." Actors will now be allowed to have personal underwear, that Disney will issue, and the employees can take home and launder themselves. Of course this won't affect the character of Donald Duck because, as we know, he doesn’t wear any pants.
WORKING YOUR WAY UP FROM THE BOTTOM
A "Whistleblower" is someone who discovers and then reports illegal or unscrupulous activity in the workplace. One vigilant British worker, who obviously had some spare time on his hands or intestinal problems, measured several rolls of toilet paper and found they only had 200 sheets as opposed to the 320 sheets stated in the contract with the supplier. His employer, West Somerset District Council, demanded the vendor wipe the slate clean and was awarded $28,100. The employer's compensation for saving the company nearly $30,000? He was given a few days off. So if the company is ever "rolled" you can be sure who did it.
CRAZY HIRING PRACTICES
Disgruntled postal workers turning violent has become so commonplace even the worst stand-up comedians use it in their act. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission created the ultimate "punch" line in hiring practices. An article in the Employee Relations Law Journal explains, "Many individuals who become violent toward customers or coworkers suffer from some form of mental disorder. Yet for an employer to be too careful in screening potentially dangerous persons out of the work force is to invite liability for discrimination under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act), while to be not careful enough is to invite tragedy and horrendous liability for negligent hire or negligent retention." Damned if you do - damned if you don't - and damned if it isn't just going to get worse.
A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" The agent replied, "No, why do you ask?" The timid sounding woman said, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent regained her composure she explained to the woman that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. Makes you wonder if the woman saw the word “terminal” on her luggage if she would have thought she was really sick.
A REAL TRAVEL ADVENTURE
A rather confused woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." Needless to say, the agent was rather confused by the request. "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, I’m sure," said the client. "What flights to you have?" The agent got on the computer and tried every airport code in the country but couldn't come up with a city named Hippopotamus. She finally got back on the phone and told the person on the other end that she had had no luck locating a city with that name. "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured the map of New York state looking for any city that might vaguely sound or look like Hippopotamus. Finally, and as a last ditch effort; asked the woman, "You don’t, by any chance mean Buffalo, do you?" "Oh, right, that's it. I knew it was a big animal."
YOUR BRAIN - DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A woman had just purchased several items she needed from a department store and was handed the credit card receipt to sign. The cashier noticed that the back of the woman’s credit card wasn't signed and told her she couldn't complete the transaction without a signed card. The woman was slightly confused by this request but complied and signed the back of the card immediately after signing the receipt. The cashier took both the receipt and the card, held them up, and compared the signature. Surprisingly they matched.
THAT'S JUST GOOFY!
The management of Walt Disney World, after two months of negotiation, finally relented and no longer makes the costume character actors share their underwear. Before the final settlement the actors were only allowed to wear Disney provided underwear that were laundered and passed out randomly. The actor complained to management that the underwear was often not clean, smelled bad, had stains and "things have been passed around." Actors will now be allowed to have personal underwear, that Disney will issue, and the employees can take home and launder themselves. Of course this won't affect the character of Donald Duck because, as we know, he doesn’t wear any pants.
WORKING YOUR WAY UP FROM THE BOTTOM
A "Whistleblower" is someone who discovers and then reports illegal or unscrupulous activity in the workplace. One vigilant British worker, who obviously had some spare time on his hands or intestinal problems, measured several rolls of toilet paper and found they only had 200 sheets as opposed to the 320 sheets stated in the contract with the supplier. His employer, West Somerset District Council, demanded the vendor wipe the slate clean and was awarded $28,100. The employer's compensation for saving the company nearly $30,000? He was given a few days off. So if the company is ever "rolled" you can be sure who did it.
CRAZY HIRING PRACTICES
Disgruntled postal workers turning violent has become so commonplace even the worst stand-up comedians use it in their act. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission created the ultimate "punch" line in hiring practices. An article in the Employee Relations Law Journal explains, "Many individuals who become violent toward customers or coworkers suffer from some form of mental disorder. Yet for an employer to be too careful in screening potentially dangerous persons out of the work force is to invite liability for discrimination under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act), while to be not careful enough is to invite tragedy and horrendous liability for negligent hire or negligent retention." Damned if you do - damned if you don't - and damned if it isn't just going to get worse.
The Difference Between College And High School
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Hooters heading for Holy Land
JERUSALEM (Reuters) - U.S. restaurant chain Hooters, known for waitresses in low-cut blouses and short skirts, will open its first branch in Israel this summer, in the Mediterranean seaside city of Tel Aviv.
"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."
At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.
Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.
He said his plan was to open as many as five Hooters restaurants in the next few years, including one in the southern resort city of Eilat.
The Tel Aviv version of Hooters is expected to mimic most of the chain's other 430 restaurants in the United States and in 23 countries including China, Switzerland, Australia and Brazil.
Ahiraz said, however, he expected some minor modifications to meet Israeli tastes since U.S. chains have had a mixed response in Israel.
Food chains such as Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts and Hard Rock Cafe failed, Kentucky Fried Chicken closed many locations, while others such as Burger King and McDonalds have thrived by altering their offerings to suit the Israeli market.
"It shows that if you are flexible and listen to your customers you can be a success story," Ahiraz said.
The opening of Hooters in Israel is part of the chain's global expansion. Privately held Hooters said it planned to open 17 restaurants in Colombia, Dubai, Guam, New Zealand and India in the next two years.
"International expansion is a major focus for our company, and we are very excited to add Israel to our family," John Weber, executive vice president of franchise operations for Hooters of America, said in a statement.
"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."
At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.
Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.
He said his plan was to open as many as five Hooters restaurants in the next few years, including one in the southern resort city of Eilat.
The Tel Aviv version of Hooters is expected to mimic most of the chain's other 430 restaurants in the United States and in 23 countries including China, Switzerland, Australia and Brazil.
Ahiraz said, however, he expected some minor modifications to meet Israeli tastes since U.S. chains have had a mixed response in Israel.
Food chains such as Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts and Hard Rock Cafe failed, Kentucky Fried Chicken closed many locations, while others such as Burger King and McDonalds have thrived by altering their offerings to suit the Israeli market.
"It shows that if you are flexible and listen to your customers you can be a success story," Ahiraz said.
The opening of Hooters in Israel is part of the chain's global expansion. Privately held Hooters said it planned to open 17 restaurants in Colombia, Dubai, Guam, New Zealand and India in the next two years.
"International expansion is a major focus for our company, and we are very excited to add Israel to our family," John Weber, executive vice president of franchise operations for Hooters of America, said in a statement.
School sued over girl's socks
NAPA, Calif. - A seventh-grader might end up in court for wearing Winnie the Pooh socks to school. Toni Kay Scott, 14, was sent to an in-school suspension program called Students With Attitude Problems last year for violating a dress code, according to a lawsuit against the Napa Valley Unified School District and Redwood Middle School.
She had donned socks with the Tigger character from the Winnie the Pooh cartoons on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.
But the school's policy requires students to wear clothes with solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black. Permitted fabrics are cotton twill, corduroy and chino. No denim is allowed.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in Napa County Superior Court by The American Civil Liberties Union and a law firm on the girl's behalf, alleges that the dress code is unconstitutionally vague and too restrictive.
"We should be able to show everyone who we are and have a way to express ourselves, as long as we aren't showing off things that shouldn't be shown off at school," the teenager said in a statement.
The lawsuit said the policy goes too far and forces aesthetic conformity in the name of safety. The rules violate the California Education Code, said plaintiffs' attorney Sharon O'Grady.
A telephone message left Tuesday at Redwood Middle School was not immediately returned.
She had donned socks with the Tigger character from the Winnie the Pooh cartoons on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.
But the school's policy requires students to wear clothes with solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black. Permitted fabrics are cotton twill, corduroy and chino. No denim is allowed.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in Napa County Superior Court by The American Civil Liberties Union and a law firm on the girl's behalf, alleges that the dress code is unconstitutionally vague and too restrictive.
"We should be able to show everyone who we are and have a way to express ourselves, as long as we aren't showing off things that shouldn't be shown off at school," the teenager said in a statement.
The lawsuit said the policy goes too far and forces aesthetic conformity in the name of safety. The rules violate the California Education Code, said plaintiffs' attorney Sharon O'Grady.
A telephone message left Tuesday at Redwood Middle School was not immediately returned.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Have You Ever Wondered If...
1. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
2. How is it possible to have a civil war?
3. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
4. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
5. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
6. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
7. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
13. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
14. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
19. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
22. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
26. Can vegans eat animal crackers?
27. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
28. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
30. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
2. How is it possible to have a civil war?
3. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
4. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
5. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
6. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
7. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
13. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
14. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
19. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
22. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
26. Can vegans eat animal crackers?
27. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
28. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
30. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
POST EXECUTION CONFESSIONAL FOR AGENT RYAN
First, my prediction for 1 of the 3 Agents to make the Final 3 is still in the game (Host Ryan M knows to whom I am referring). Second, my Mole Suspect is still in the game. Third, I am still in the game which means that I am getting closer to beating the Mole for the 2nd time.
Ryan played a great game, in spite of taking money from the Pot. I do not fault him for taking a chance on winning an Exemption. What it comes down to is how long you can stay in the game. Earning money for the Pot does not keep you in this game or acquiring Mole Points does not keep you in this game...Obtaining an Exemption is the only sure way of staying in this game and Ryan did his best.
Lasty, I am honored to have played against a fellow Agent who was never infected with the Virus, even though you were executed without it. There is 1 Agent who I really thought would go before you, but just maybe he will be next. I hope you will have time to read our Blogs because you are a good guy who deserved a better shot at winning. Take Care, Ryan...I hope to see you again sometime!
Ryan played a great game, in spite of taking money from the Pot. I do not fault him for taking a chance on winning an Exemption. What it comes down to is how long you can stay in the game. Earning money for the Pot does not keep you in this game or acquiring Mole Points does not keep you in this game...Obtaining an Exemption is the only sure way of staying in this game and Ryan did his best.
Lasty, I am honored to have played against a fellow Agent who was never infected with the Virus, even though you were executed without it. There is 1 Agent who I really thought would go before you, but just maybe he will be next. I hope you will have time to read our Blogs because you are a good guy who deserved a better shot at winning. Take Care, Ryan...I hope to see you again sometime!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette
There comes a time in any technological revolution when some basic guidelines need to be laid down. It happened when e-mail exploded on the scene and people started to learn some basic dos and don'ts around the new medium. For example, if you copy the boss in on an e-mail message to a colleague, it means that you are through kidding around. No one teaches these things in company training; they are just things that get learned.
Well I've reached the point with cell phones where I feel the need to lay down the law. There are some real abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all around us, and the time has come to create some social order out of the cell phone chaos. This is by no means an exhaustive list simply because as the technology evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge. But commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as the first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette, with amendments to follow:
1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.
2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?
3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.
4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.
5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.
6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.
7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.
8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.
9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.
10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.
Well, I'm all thou-ed and thy-ed out, so there you have it: the first 10 rules of using your cell phone. Most of these seem like common sense to me, but they all get broken every day.
Well I've reached the point with cell phones where I feel the need to lay down the law. There are some real abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all around us, and the time has come to create some social order out of the cell phone chaos. This is by no means an exhaustive list simply because as the technology evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge. But commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as the first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette, with amendments to follow:
1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.
2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?
3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.
4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.
5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.
6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.
7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.
8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.
9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.
10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.
Well, I'm all thou-ed and thy-ed out, so there you have it: the first 10 rules of using your cell phone. Most of these seem like common sense to me, but they all get broken every day.
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 6.1, 6.2
MOLE IDOL 2: This challenge proves (once again) that we can not work together as a team. It is not because we don't want to work together...it is just that sometimes it does not work out that way. I don't have any experience in making video's and maybe the others Agents don't either.
RYAN'S FUNHOUSE: I got into this challenge within a reasonable amount of time, but was delayed getting to the first door because I could not see any of the riddles. I eventually figured out that the riddles were embedded into the background. They could not be seen unless you hit Ctrl-A, which highlights the background. This gave any one of the other 3 Agents time to lock 2 of the doors and make their way to the next room. Fred & Ryan made it out of the challenge and they each found 1 of 3 Mystery Chests. When I tried the 3rd door, it was unlocked, but my wrong answer locked it which sealed my fate...along with Evin's fate. He could not get out before my mistake and for that I apologize. The exemption was not found, which means that all 5 Agents will be taking the Mole Quiz.
It looks as though the playing field has been leveled...It will be very interesting to see which 4 Agents will survive the next Execution.
RYAN'S FUNHOUSE: I got into this challenge within a reasonable amount of time, but was delayed getting to the first door because I could not see any of the riddles. I eventually figured out that the riddles were embedded into the background. They could not be seen unless you hit Ctrl-A, which highlights the background. This gave any one of the other 3 Agents time to lock 2 of the doors and make their way to the next room. Fred & Ryan made it out of the challenge and they each found 1 of 3 Mystery Chests. When I tried the 3rd door, it was unlocked, but my wrong answer locked it which sealed my fate...along with Evin's fate. He could not get out before my mistake and for that I apologize. The exemption was not found, which means that all 5 Agents will be taking the Mole Quiz.
It looks as though the playing field has been leveled...It will be very interesting to see which 4 Agents will survive the next Execution.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
U.S. Amnesties for Illegal Aliens
Congress has passed 7 amnesties for illegal aliens, starting in 1986.
1. Immigration and Reform Control Act (IRCA) Amnesty, 1986: A blanket amnesty for some 2.7 million illegal aliens
2. Section 245(i) Amnesty, 1994: A temporary rolling amnesty for 578,000 illegal aliens
3. Section 245(i) Extension Amnesty, 1997: An extension of the rolling amnesty created in 1994
4. Nicaraguan Adjustment and Central American Relief Act (NACARA) Amnesty, 1997: An amnesty for close to one million illegal aliens from Central America
5. Haitian Refugee Immigration Fairness Act Amnesty (HRIFA), 1998: An amnesty for 125,000 illegal aliens from Haiti
6. Late Amnesty, 2000: An amnesty for some illegal aliens who claim they should have been amnestied under the 1986 IRCA amnesty, an estimated 400,000 illegal aliens
7. LIFE Act Amnesty, 2000: A reinstatement of the rolling Section 245(i) amnesty, an estimated 900,000 illegal aliens
8. Nine current bills are vying to be Amnesty No. 8
Proposed amnesty bills in the 110th Congress:
H.R. 371 (Agricultural Job Opportunities, Benefits, and Security [AgJOBS] Act of 2007) - would allow illegal alien farm workers to obtain a "blue card" granting “temporary” legal status for themselves and their families if they could show they have worked in the U.S. at least 863 hours or 150 work days (5.75 hours constituting a work day [i.e., the equivalent of 21.5 40-hour work weeks, or less than half of a “standard” work year {50 weeks}] during the preceding two years; and would, subsequently, allow these “blue card” illegal aliens to apply for legal residency (i.e., amnesty), provided they demonstrate that they have worked in agriculture here: (1) 100 work days per year each of the first five years following enactment; (2) 150 work days per year each of the first three years following enactment; or (3) over the course of the first four years after enactment, 150 work days per year for three of those years and 100 work days for the other. Rep. Howard Berman (D-CA) is the measure’s main sponsor.
1. Immigration and Reform Control Act (IRCA) Amnesty, 1986: A blanket amnesty for some 2.7 million illegal aliens
2. Section 245(i) Amnesty, 1994: A temporary rolling amnesty for 578,000 illegal aliens
3. Section 245(i) Extension Amnesty, 1997: An extension of the rolling amnesty created in 1994
4. Nicaraguan Adjustment and Central American Relief Act (NACARA) Amnesty, 1997: An amnesty for close to one million illegal aliens from Central America
5. Haitian Refugee Immigration Fairness Act Amnesty (HRIFA), 1998: An amnesty for 125,000 illegal aliens from Haiti
6. Late Amnesty, 2000: An amnesty for some illegal aliens who claim they should have been amnestied under the 1986 IRCA amnesty, an estimated 400,000 illegal aliens
7. LIFE Act Amnesty, 2000: A reinstatement of the rolling Section 245(i) amnesty, an estimated 900,000 illegal aliens
8. Nine current bills are vying to be Amnesty No. 8
Proposed amnesty bills in the 110th Congress:
H.R. 371 (Agricultural Job Opportunities, Benefits, and Security [AgJOBS] Act of 2007) - would allow illegal alien farm workers to obtain a "blue card" granting “temporary” legal status for themselves and their families if they could show they have worked in the U.S. at least 863 hours or 150 work days (5.75 hours constituting a work day [i.e., the equivalent of 21.5 40-hour work weeks, or less than half of a “standard” work year {50 weeks}] during the preceding two years; and would, subsequently, allow these “blue card” illegal aliens to apply for legal residency (i.e., amnesty), provided they demonstrate that they have worked in agriculture here: (1) 100 work days per year each of the first five years following enactment; (2) 150 work days per year each of the first three years following enactment; or (3) over the course of the first four years after enactment, 150 work days per year for three of those years and 100 work days for the other. Rep. Howard Berman (D-CA) is the measure’s main sponsor.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Ireland loses taste for Guinness
How about a glass of wine to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day in Dublin?
That might not sit well on the stomach of many residents of Ireland's capital this Saturday as they mark the year's biggest party with copious quantities of Guinness, the rich, dark beer with a creamy head that is the national drink.
But the cliche of the Irish pub filled with Guinness drinkers is giving way to a different picture as new wealth, new opportunities and immigration transform tastes and drinking habits in one of Europe's fastest growing economies.
Alongside the decline of Guinness is an increasing appetite for wine, spirits, cider and imported beer.
"You'll still sell Guinness, but you'll sell the likes of wheat beers, beers from the Czech Republic, beers from Poland," said Eddy Martin, who runs the Bailey Bar.
"Beer sales are declining while the amount of wine is phenomenal. Before, people would say they wanted a white wine, now they'll say they want a Chardonnay," he said at the bar in the heart of Dublin's smartest shopping district.
Latest figures from global drinks giant Diageo, which owns Guinness, show local sales for the brand down about 7 percent in the six months to the end of December 2006 from a year before. Wine now accounts for over a fifth of alcohol drunk in Ireland.
"The lifestyle shift has meant that Guinness has been impacted to a higher degree," said Grainne Mackin, Diageo's head of corporate communications in Ireland.
"Instead of sticking to one sort of drink, there are now two or three that people might have and that has meant we're in competition with a lot more drinks."
The scale of the shift from drinking Guinness, which takes its dark color from the roasted barley, appears even more dramatic given that Ireland has the fastest growing population in the European Union.
"In times gone past, alcohol in this country was an acquired taste. You acquired a taste for porter, or Guinness," said Paul Stevenson, president of the Vintners Association of Ireland, which represents pub landlords.
"Your father would have brought you to the pub and sat you down and taught you how to drink. That doesn't seem to happen now. When people taste something they want something instantly which tastes nice."
But the decline of Guinness is by no means global.
Sales are doing well in North America and parts of West Africa -- where the stronger, bottled local version of Guinness has a reputation, perhaps undeserved, for everything from helping prevent malaria to enhancing male sexual prowess.
But while "Irish pubs" have become a fixture across the globe, many in Ireland have been struggling. Guinness reckons Irish pubs are opening abroad at the rate of about one a day -- the same rate as rural pubs are closing back home.
That is bad news for Guinness. Most people say it is best straight from the tap, a process that should take at least a couple of minutes to deliver a perfect pint.
"People are cash-rich, but time-poor so there's been a shift away from the amount of times that people are going to the pub," said Mackin.
The trend is towards drinking with food in restaurants as well as in buying wine or beer to drink at home. With a pint (just over half a litre) of Guinness costing over 4 euros ($5.30) in a Dublin pub, it may not look that cheap either.
Pub landlords complain other discouraging factors have been a smoking ban and, in rural areas, tougher restrictions on drinking and driving to cut road deaths -- though many point out that Guinness remains their best seller.
"You might find your ladies drinking wine, but only the odd male -- and then with food," said Keith O'Brien, 25, barman at a pub near Dublin's River Liffey.
"Younger drinkers are more likely to drink lager or cider, more refreshing drinks, especially in the summer, though. They'll turn to shots (of spirits) when they've filled up on the beer and can't get anything more in."
The big challenge for Guinness is to win over the new generation of drinkers beyond the March 17 Saint Patrick's Day festivities, which are already bringing their annual outbreak of shamrocks and leprechauns to Dublin streets.
That means looking for new marketing strategies worldwide from the company behind such slogans as "Guinness for Strength", "Guinness is good for you" and "Pure Genius".
One Guinness Web site shows the kind of thing being tried in the run-up to Saint Patrick's Day. First the shamrock dances to Irish fiddle music, before a modern beat tellingly starts up.
"Without a doubt, a lot of our Guinness drinkers are older people," said Mackin. "A lot of our marketing and branding is focused on attracting younger and newer people. The difficulty is that you cannot alienate your older Guinness drinkers too."
That might not sit well on the stomach of many residents of Ireland's capital this Saturday as they mark the year's biggest party with copious quantities of Guinness, the rich, dark beer with a creamy head that is the national drink.
But the cliche of the Irish pub filled with Guinness drinkers is giving way to a different picture as new wealth, new opportunities and immigration transform tastes and drinking habits in one of Europe's fastest growing economies.
Alongside the decline of Guinness is an increasing appetite for wine, spirits, cider and imported beer.
"You'll still sell Guinness, but you'll sell the likes of wheat beers, beers from the Czech Republic, beers from Poland," said Eddy Martin, who runs the Bailey Bar.
"Beer sales are declining while the amount of wine is phenomenal. Before, people would say they wanted a white wine, now they'll say they want a Chardonnay," he said at the bar in the heart of Dublin's smartest shopping district.
Latest figures from global drinks giant Diageo, which owns Guinness, show local sales for the brand down about 7 percent in the six months to the end of December 2006 from a year before. Wine now accounts for over a fifth of alcohol drunk in Ireland.
"The lifestyle shift has meant that Guinness has been impacted to a higher degree," said Grainne Mackin, Diageo's head of corporate communications in Ireland.
"Instead of sticking to one sort of drink, there are now two or three that people might have and that has meant we're in competition with a lot more drinks."
The scale of the shift from drinking Guinness, which takes its dark color from the roasted barley, appears even more dramatic given that Ireland has the fastest growing population in the European Union.
"In times gone past, alcohol in this country was an acquired taste. You acquired a taste for porter, or Guinness," said Paul Stevenson, president of the Vintners Association of Ireland, which represents pub landlords.
"Your father would have brought you to the pub and sat you down and taught you how to drink. That doesn't seem to happen now. When people taste something they want something instantly which tastes nice."
But the decline of Guinness is by no means global.
Sales are doing well in North America and parts of West Africa -- where the stronger, bottled local version of Guinness has a reputation, perhaps undeserved, for everything from helping prevent malaria to enhancing male sexual prowess.
But while "Irish pubs" have become a fixture across the globe, many in Ireland have been struggling. Guinness reckons Irish pubs are opening abroad at the rate of about one a day -- the same rate as rural pubs are closing back home.
That is bad news for Guinness. Most people say it is best straight from the tap, a process that should take at least a couple of minutes to deliver a perfect pint.
"People are cash-rich, but time-poor so there's been a shift away from the amount of times that people are going to the pub," said Mackin.
The trend is towards drinking with food in restaurants as well as in buying wine or beer to drink at home. With a pint (just over half a litre) of Guinness costing over 4 euros ($5.30) in a Dublin pub, it may not look that cheap either.
Pub landlords complain other discouraging factors have been a smoking ban and, in rural areas, tougher restrictions on drinking and driving to cut road deaths -- though many point out that Guinness remains their best seller.
"You might find your ladies drinking wine, but only the odd male -- and then with food," said Keith O'Brien, 25, barman at a pub near Dublin's River Liffey.
"Younger drinkers are more likely to drink lager or cider, more refreshing drinks, especially in the summer, though. They'll turn to shots (of spirits) when they've filled up on the beer and can't get anything more in."
The big challenge for Guinness is to win over the new generation of drinkers beyond the March 17 Saint Patrick's Day festivities, which are already bringing their annual outbreak of shamrocks and leprechauns to Dublin streets.
That means looking for new marketing strategies worldwide from the company behind such slogans as "Guinness for Strength", "Guinness is good for you" and "Pure Genius".
One Guinness Web site shows the kind of thing being tried in the run-up to Saint Patrick's Day. First the shamrock dances to Irish fiddle music, before a modern beat tellingly starts up.
"Without a doubt, a lot of our Guinness drinkers are older people," said Mackin. "A lot of our marketing and branding is focused on attracting younger and newer people. The difficulty is that you cannot alienate your older Guinness drinkers too."
Probe into '74 Ireland bombings complete
By SHAWN POGATCHNIK, Associated Press Writer Tue Mar 13, 5:53 AM ET
DUBLIN, Ireland - Prime Minister Bertie Ahern said Tuesday he has received the results of a long-awaited investigation into car bombings that claimed 33 lives on one day in 1974 — the deadliest terrorist strike in Irish history.
But Ahern said the government would not publish the report by lawyer Patrick MacEntee until he could show it to the full Cabinet, including the attorney general, to determine whether details needed to be censored.
Nobody was ever charged in connection with the bombings May 17, 1974. Nearly simultaneously and without warning, three cars exploded amidst crowds of Dublin shoppers and commuters walking toward a train station. A fourth detonated about an hour later outside a pub in the border town of Monaghan.
An outlawed anti-Catholic group from Northern Ireland, the Ulster Volunteer Force, later claimed responsibility, but suspicions have long lingered that soldiers or police from the British territory were involved.
"The Dublin and Monaghan bombings were a terrible atrocity and it is important that we uncover the truth of what happened," said Ahern, who departed Tuesday for the United States for St. Patrick's Day-related events.
The government tasked MacEntee in 2005 with finding out why Ireland's national police force, the Garda Siochana, closed down its investigation in 1974 and failed to follow up important leads; what key documents of evidence have disappeared and whether they can be found; and whether government and police procedures today would prevent these foul-ups from happening again.
MacEntee's work was originally supposed to take just six months, but the deadline for delivery was repeatedly moved — partly because the lawyer said the British government was refusing to provide requested intelligence documents and former intelligence officers for interview.
The Irish government assigned MacEntee to the case after a report by a retired judge, Henry Barron, concluded that the police and government in 1974 failed to seek the extradition of Protestant extremists from Northern Ireland who were suspected of involvement. Barron also found that key government and police files on the atrocity had disappeared without explanation.
DUBLIN, Ireland - Prime Minister Bertie Ahern said Tuesday he has received the results of a long-awaited investigation into car bombings that claimed 33 lives on one day in 1974 — the deadliest terrorist strike in Irish history.
But Ahern said the government would not publish the report by lawyer Patrick MacEntee until he could show it to the full Cabinet, including the attorney general, to determine whether details needed to be censored.
Nobody was ever charged in connection with the bombings May 17, 1974. Nearly simultaneously and without warning, three cars exploded amidst crowds of Dublin shoppers and commuters walking toward a train station. A fourth detonated about an hour later outside a pub in the border town of Monaghan.
An outlawed anti-Catholic group from Northern Ireland, the Ulster Volunteer Force, later claimed responsibility, but suspicions have long lingered that soldiers or police from the British territory were involved.
"The Dublin and Monaghan bombings were a terrible atrocity and it is important that we uncover the truth of what happened," said Ahern, who departed Tuesday for the United States for St. Patrick's Day-related events.
The government tasked MacEntee in 2005 with finding out why Ireland's national police force, the Garda Siochana, closed down its investigation in 1974 and failed to follow up important leads; what key documents of evidence have disappeared and whether they can be found; and whether government and police procedures today would prevent these foul-ups from happening again.
MacEntee's work was originally supposed to take just six months, but the deadline for delivery was repeatedly moved — partly because the lawyer said the British government was refusing to provide requested intelligence documents and former intelligence officers for interview.
The Irish government assigned MacEntee to the case after a report by a retired judge, Henry Barron, concluded that the police and government in 1974 failed to seek the extradition of Protestant extremists from Northern Ireland who were suspected of involvement. Barron also found that key government and police files on the atrocity had disappeared without explanation.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Time to drop expensive, unrealistic National ID plan
Mercury News Editorial
Article Launched: 03/06/2007 @ 02:02:01 AM PST
The Department of Homeland Security has postponed the demand that states join in creating what amounts to a national identification card. Congress should use the time until January 2010 to reconsider what is likely to become a multibillion-dollar boondoggle.
The national ID is supposed to be tamper-proof, standardized driver's licenses. States would issue them, and the federal government would link state Department of Motor Vehicles information systems into a massive federal data base. It would be accessible to state, federal and law enforcement officials - and, more than likely, to identity thieves who'd breach the system. At a minimum, Americans would need them to board an airplane or enter any federal building.
The Real ID Act mandating a national ID was rushed through Congress two years ago as part of a military spending bill. There weren't even any hearings on it. Since then, states have balked at the costs, and civil liberties groups have challenged the threats to privacy.
The federal government has yet to answer critics' basic question: Would this expensive and intrusive system even work?
Last week, in finally issuing the regulations, Homeland Security admitted there was no way states could make the original May 2008 deadline. But delaying implementation doesn't solve the core problem.
Several states already have objected to the law and will challenge it as an unfunded mandate. California should join them.
Homeland Security acknowledged that states will have to spend $14.6 billion - at least $700 million in California - to comply. So far, Congress has appropriated only $40 million.
Security issues have not begun to be addressed. For example, what do states do about the millions of licenses that are lost or stolen every year?
A centralized database raises the odds that identity thieves will gain entry. The new regulations will not require that states encrypt biographical data on driver's licenses, so they will be vulnerable to unauthorized copying.
An ID system is only as reliable as the underlying documents establishing that you are who you say you are. To receive the new license, drivers will need to prove their address, birth date and legal status in the United States by submitting birth certificates and immigration records. But the databases needed to authenticate those documents either don't exist or can't talk to each other. It's a weakness that will be easy to exploit.
Most of the Sept. 11 hijackers used fake or forged driver's licenses to board airliners. Clearly, better systems to produce trustworthy identification are imperative. But Congress' solution appears to have irreparable flaws. It's time to retreat before more states revolt.
Article Launched: 03/06/2007 @ 02:02:01 AM PST
The Department of Homeland Security has postponed the demand that states join in creating what amounts to a national identification card. Congress should use the time until January 2010 to reconsider what is likely to become a multibillion-dollar boondoggle.
The national ID is supposed to be tamper-proof, standardized driver's licenses. States would issue them, and the federal government would link state Department of Motor Vehicles information systems into a massive federal data base. It would be accessible to state, federal and law enforcement officials - and, more than likely, to identity thieves who'd breach the system. At a minimum, Americans would need them to board an airplane or enter any federal building.
The Real ID Act mandating a national ID was rushed through Congress two years ago as part of a military spending bill. There weren't even any hearings on it. Since then, states have balked at the costs, and civil liberties groups have challenged the threats to privacy.
The federal government has yet to answer critics' basic question: Would this expensive and intrusive system even work?
Last week, in finally issuing the regulations, Homeland Security admitted there was no way states could make the original May 2008 deadline. But delaying implementation doesn't solve the core problem.
Several states already have objected to the law and will challenge it as an unfunded mandate. California should join them.
Homeland Security acknowledged that states will have to spend $14.6 billion - at least $700 million in California - to comply. So far, Congress has appropriated only $40 million.
Security issues have not begun to be addressed. For example, what do states do about the millions of licenses that are lost or stolen every year?
A centralized database raises the odds that identity thieves will gain entry. The new regulations will not require that states encrypt biographical data on driver's licenses, so they will be vulnerable to unauthorized copying.
An ID system is only as reliable as the underlying documents establishing that you are who you say you are. To receive the new license, drivers will need to prove their address, birth date and legal status in the United States by submitting birth certificates and immigration records. But the databases needed to authenticate those documents either don't exist or can't talk to each other. It's a weakness that will be easy to exploit.
Most of the Sept. 11 hijackers used fake or forged driver's licenses to board airliners. Clearly, better systems to produce trustworthy identification are imperative. But Congress' solution appears to have irreparable flaws. It's time to retreat before more states revolt.
2007 NCAA MEN'S BASKETBALL BRACKET
Tournament Games Schedule
Tuesday March 13, 2007
TBA
Mississippi Val.
Mississippi St.
TBA
Providence
Bradley #13
TBA
Delaware St.
West Virginia #6
6:00 pm
Toledo
Florida St.
7:00 pm
Utah St. #12
Michigan
7:30 pm
Niagara
Florida A&M
8:00 pm
N.C. State #10
Drexel
9:30 pm
Alabama #10
Massachusetts
10:00 pm
Marist
Oklahoma St.
Wednesday March 14, 2007
Mississippi Val.
Mississippi St.
TBA
Providence
Bradley #13
TBA
Delaware St.
West Virginia #6
6:00 pm
Toledo
Florida St.
7:00 pm
Utah St. #12
Michigan
7:30 pm
Niagara
Florida A&M
8:00 pm
N.C. State #10
Drexel
9:30 pm
Alabama #10
Massachusetts
10:00 pm
Marist
Oklahoma St.
Wednesday March 14, 2007
TBA
Hofstra
DePaul
TBA
App. St.
Mississippi
6:00 pm
East Tenn. St.
Clemson
7:00 pm
Fresno St.
Georgia
7:00 pm
South Ala. #14
Syracuse #5
8:00 pm
Vermont
Kansas St.
10:00 pm
San Diego St. #11
Missouri St.
10:59 pm
Austin Peay
Air Force #13
Thursday March 15, 2007
Hofstra
DePaul
TBA
App. St.
Mississippi
6:00 pm
East Tenn. St.
Clemson
7:00 pm
Fresno St.
Georgia
7:00 pm
South Ala. #14
Syracuse #5
8:00 pm
Vermont
Kansas St.
10:00 pm
San Diego St. #11
Missouri St.
10:59 pm
Austin Peay
Air Force #13
Thursday March 15, 2007
12:20 pm
Davidson #15
Maryland
12:25 pm
Texas Tech
Boston College #4
12:40 pm
Stanford
Louisville
2:40 pm
Oral Roberts #16
Washington St.
2:40 pm
Old Dominion
Butler
2:45 pm
Belmont #15
Georgetown #7
3:00 pm
Penn #15
Texas A&M #12
4:55 pm
G. Washington #8
Vanderbilt
7:10 pm
VCU
Duke #1
7:10 pm
Central Conn. St.
Ohio St. #2
7:20 pm
Michigan St. #6
Marquette #7
7:25 pm
Weber St.
UCLA #2
9:30 pm
Xavier #14
Brigham Young
9:30 pm
Wright St.
Pittsburgh #5
9:40 pm
Eastern Ky.
North Carolina #3
9:45 pm
Gonzaga #3
Indiana #6
Friday March 16, 2007
Davidson #15
Maryland
12:25 pm
Texas Tech
Boston College #4
12:40 pm
Stanford
Louisville
2:40 pm
Oral Roberts #16
Washington St.
2:40 pm
Old Dominion
Butler
2:45 pm
Belmont #15
Georgetown #7
3:00 pm
Penn #15
Texas A&M #12
4:55 pm
G. Washington #8
Vanderbilt
7:10 pm
VCU
Duke #1
7:10 pm
Central Conn. St.
Ohio St. #2
7:20 pm
Michigan St. #6
Marquette #7
7:25 pm
Weber St.
UCLA #2
9:30 pm
Xavier #14
Brigham Young
9:30 pm
Wright St.
Pittsburgh #5
9:40 pm
Eastern Ky.
North Carolina #3
9:45 pm
Gonzaga #3
Indiana #6
Friday March 16, 2007
12:15 pm
Albany #16
Virginia
12:25 pm
Georgia Tech
UNLV
12:30 pm
North Texas
Memphis #1
2:35 pm
Winthrop #15
Notre Dame
2:45 pm
Long Beach St.
Tennessee #2
2:50 pm
Tex. A&M-Corp. Chris.
Wisconsin #9
2:50 pm
Creighton
Nevada #5
4:55 pm
Miami (Ohio)
Oregon
7:10 pm
Illinois #4
Virginia Tech
7:20 pm
Purdue
Arizona #8
7:25 pm
New Mexico St.
Texas #2
9:30 pm
Villanova #1
Kentucky #8
9:30 pm
Holy Cross
Southern Ill. #11
9:40 pm
Jackson St.
Florida #3
9:45 pm
Arkansas #8
Southern Cal
Albany #16
Virginia
12:25 pm
Georgia Tech
UNLV
12:30 pm
North Texas
Memphis #1
2:35 pm
Winthrop #15
Notre Dame
2:45 pm
Long Beach St.
Tennessee #2
2:50 pm
Tex. A&M-Corp. Chris.
Wisconsin #9
2:50 pm
Creighton
Nevada #5
4:55 pm
Miami (Ohio)
Oregon
7:10 pm
Illinois #4
Virginia Tech
7:20 pm
Purdue
Arizona #8
7:25 pm
New Mexico St.
Texas #2
9:30 pm
Villanova #1
Kentucky #8
9:30 pm
Holy Cross
Southern Ill. #11
9:40 pm
Jackson St.
Florida #3
9:45 pm
Arkansas #8
Southern Cal
POST EXECUTION CONFESSIONAL FOR AGENT MIKE
The fact that anyone with a +1 on their Mole Quiz can still be executed really concerns me. Mike was a player who I thought would be in the Final 3 and now he is gone. This game has taken off into a new direction due to 5 Agents down & 5 Agents to go. If I can survive 2 more executions, then I will be in the Final 3. I will send my guess for the Agent I would like to see in the Final 3 to Host Ryan M in the next Private Confessional. I am glad that I got to work with Mike during the last 5 rounds. You are a good guy & will be missed...TAKE CARE!
Sunday, March 11, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 5.1, 5.2, 5.3
LIAR'S DICE: This kind of game proves that 6 Agents can not be online at the same time to finish the challenge. We are all not in the same time zone, so that is why it is hard to come together. The game started on March 8 2007 @ 9:40 PM and Andy's 1st post was March 9 2007 @ 3:25 PM (18 hours after start). Evin was ousted on March 9 2007 @ 7:52 PM. Ryan was ousted on March 10 2007 @ 7:32 PM (46 hours after start). Round 3 only had 4 bids posted on the Forum by March 10 2007 @ 9:22 PM. Host Ryan M finished this game after the Live Challenge. Fred was the last Agent standing, so he won the Exemption. If we had not finished by the deadline of March 10 @ 11:59 PM, the Exemption would have been lost. It is just my opinion that someone did not want this Exemption to be won by anyone. We should have been able to do better in a shorter peroid of time, so please do not take this personally.
SCAVENGER HUNT: I was picked to assign the items to be photograhed. After sending in my JPEG, I posted on the Forum asking how the other Agents were doing with their list. Mike & Andy were the only 2 Agents to reply. The group successfully gathered 14 of the 20 total items on the list. Their submissions earned $2.10 to be added to the pot. I wonder which 6 items did not get done.
ELIMINATION AUCTION: The reward for this challenge would be revealed (by the Host) to the winner at the end of the game. We each had the chance to add money to the Pot. The tokens had a value of $ .60. This game ended way too quickly. It went something like this:
Mike eliminated Padraig...
Fred eliminated Evin...
Andy eliminated Mike...
Fred eliminated Andy.
Fred was again, the last Agent standing. We only added his token to the Pot. What a waste of 5 tokens. By the way, Evin & I were the first two Agents eliminated. Fred earned +1 Point on the Mole Quiz, which he passed on to Mike. Fred also passed on 2 Mole Points to Evin.
SCAVENGER HUNT: I was picked to assign the items to be photograhed. After sending in my JPEG, I posted on the Forum asking how the other Agents were doing with their list. Mike & Andy were the only 2 Agents to reply. The group successfully gathered 14 of the 20 total items on the list. Their submissions earned $2.10 to be added to the pot. I wonder which 6 items did not get done.
ELIMINATION AUCTION: The reward for this challenge would be revealed (by the Host) to the winner at the end of the game. We each had the chance to add money to the Pot. The tokens had a value of $ .60. This game ended way too quickly. It went something like this:
Mike eliminated Padraig...
Fred eliminated Evin...
Andy eliminated Mike...
Fred eliminated Andy.
Fred was again, the last Agent standing. We only added his token to the Pot. What a waste of 5 tokens. By the way, Evin & I were the first two Agents eliminated. Fred earned +1 Point on the Mole Quiz, which he passed on to Mike. Fred also passed on 2 Mole Points to Evin.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
BASIC TRUTHS ABOUT 24'S JACK BAUER
-Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
-If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
-If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
-Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
-If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
-Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
-1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
-Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
-Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
-Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
-When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
-Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
-Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
-Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
-Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
-When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
-Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
-Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
-Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
-When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
-Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
-When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
-You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
-Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
-When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
-Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
-In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
-Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
-Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
-In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
-What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
-Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
-If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
-People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
-Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
-Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
-Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
-Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
-When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
-It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
-If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
-The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
-Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
-After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
-Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Late for an Important Date? Blame Your PC
By Robin Raskin
Boy, am I ever about to give you a great excuse to miss a few appointments! This year daylight saving time has been re-jiggered on the calendar in order to help save energy, but PC and consumer devices don't all know about the change.
That means you could potentially be an hour off for every appointment you have scheduled from March 11 (the new daylight saving time, 2007) through the first Sunday in April (the traditional, often programmed-into-software calendar date).
While the experts are saying we're not gearing up for anything as major as the old Y2K scare, there are concerns. Microsoft is reminding users not to take calendar appointments as the gospel truth during this new/old daylight saving time period.
Since blaming your PC for being late is going to get old real fast, you're probably going to want to get the jump on remedying the situation. Here are some pointers:
Remember that it's not just your PC that can be affected. It could be your cell phone, PDA, DVD player, TiVo, digital camera—basically anything that has a date setting. See the manufacturer's web site for device-specific advice.
It can also affect the businesses we use, so check and save your bank deposits and payments during this period, especially if there's a fee for missing a deadline.
If you're a PC user, software patches (this will supersede the older DST information programmed into your existing operating system and MS applications) and information are available on Microsoft's daylight saving time web site. Microsoft plans to make the patch available as part of its "automatic update" feature. To turn on Automatic Updates visit the PC's Control Panel. If you don't use the feature, you can download the patch manually from Microsoft. Vista users are spared the problem since Vista is so new that it already knows about the change this year.
Here are some other common sense things you should do:
Put the time and date of your meeting in the body or header of an email. That way you're not totally dependent on the system calendar or Outlook's automatic date notification. Even after DST issues are gone this is a great suggestion, especially for bicoastal meetings that are always a problem for Outlook.
Send a verification of the meeting the day before—always a good idea, too.
If you synchronize devices like your cell phone's calendar with your PC, check the devices before and after you synchronize them so you can see whether one device has overridden another and inadvertently messed things up.
You might want to keep a printout of calendars during the weeks of this little interlude, especially if you do a lot of synchronizing where data may get overwritten.
As for your other gadgets see the following sites:
BlackBerry
IBM
HP
Palm
Apple (to upgrade the OS)
You can help by getting on your cell phone carrier's case to get some software updates out. They seem to be the missing link.
Boy, am I ever about to give you a great excuse to miss a few appointments! This year daylight saving time has been re-jiggered on the calendar in order to help save energy, but PC and consumer devices don't all know about the change.
That means you could potentially be an hour off for every appointment you have scheduled from March 11 (the new daylight saving time, 2007) through the first Sunday in April (the traditional, often programmed-into-software calendar date).
While the experts are saying we're not gearing up for anything as major as the old Y2K scare, there are concerns. Microsoft is reminding users not to take calendar appointments as the gospel truth during this new/old daylight saving time period.
Since blaming your PC for being late is going to get old real fast, you're probably going to want to get the jump on remedying the situation. Here are some pointers:
Remember that it's not just your PC that can be affected. It could be your cell phone, PDA, DVD player, TiVo, digital camera—basically anything that has a date setting. See the manufacturer's web site for device-specific advice.
It can also affect the businesses we use, so check and save your bank deposits and payments during this period, especially if there's a fee for missing a deadline.
If you're a PC user, software patches (this will supersede the older DST information programmed into your existing operating system and MS applications) and information are available on Microsoft's daylight saving time web site. Microsoft plans to make the patch available as part of its "automatic update" feature. To turn on Automatic Updates visit the PC's Control Panel. If you don't use the feature, you can download the patch manually from Microsoft. Vista users are spared the problem since Vista is so new that it already knows about the change this year.
Here are some other common sense things you should do:
Put the time and date of your meeting in the body or header of an email. That way you're not totally dependent on the system calendar or Outlook's automatic date notification. Even after DST issues are gone this is a great suggestion, especially for bicoastal meetings that are always a problem for Outlook.
Send a verification of the meeting the day before—always a good idea, too.
If you synchronize devices like your cell phone's calendar with your PC, check the devices before and after you synchronize them so you can see whether one device has overridden another and inadvertently messed things up.
You might want to keep a printout of calendars during the weeks of this little interlude, especially if you do a lot of synchronizing where data may get overwritten.
As for your other gadgets see the following sites:
BlackBerry
IBM
HP
Palm
Apple (to upgrade the OS)
You can help by getting on your cell phone carrier's case to get some software updates out. They seem to be the missing link.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
EURO 2008 QUALIFING (GROUP D)
02/09/06
Czech Republic 2-1 Wales
Germany 1-0 Republic of Ireland
Slovakia 6-1 Cyprus
*
06/09/06
San Marino 0-13 Germany
Slovakia 0-3 Czech Republic
*
07/10/06
Cyprus 5-2 Republic of Ireland
Czech Republic 7-0 San Marino
Wales 1-5 Slovakia
*
11/10/06
Republic of Ireland 1-1 Czech Republic
Slovakia 1-4 Germany
Wales 3-1 Cyprus
*
15/11/06
Cyprus 1-1 Germany
Republic of Ireland 5-0 San Marino
*
07/02/07
San Marino 1-2 Republic of Ireland
*
24/03/07
Cyprus v Slovakia
Czech Republic v Germany
Republic of Ireland v Wales
*
28/03/07
Czech Republic v Cyprus
Republic of Ireland v Slovakia
Wales v San Marino
*
02/06/07
Germany v San Marino
Wales v Czech Republic
*
06/06/07
Germany v Slovakia
*
22/08/07
San Marino v Cyprus
*
08/09/2007
San Marino v Czech Republic
Wales v Germany
Slovakia v Republic of Ireland
*
12/09/2007
Czech Republic v Republic of Ireland
Cyprus v San Marino
Slovakia v Wales
*
13/10/2007
Republic of Ireland v Germany
Slovakia v San Marino
Cyprus v Wales
*
17/10/2007
Germany v Czech Republic
Republic of Ireland v Cyprus
San Marino v Wales
*
17/11/2007
Czech Republic v Slovakia
Germany v Cyprus
Wales v Republic of Ireland
*
21/11/2007
Cyprus v Czech Republic
Germany v Wales
San Marino v Slovakia
Czech Republic 2-1 Wales
Germany 1-0 Republic of Ireland
Slovakia 6-1 Cyprus
*
06/09/06
San Marino 0-13 Germany
Slovakia 0-3 Czech Republic
*
07/10/06
Cyprus 5-2 Republic of Ireland
Czech Republic 7-0 San Marino
Wales 1-5 Slovakia
*
11/10/06
Republic of Ireland 1-1 Czech Republic
Slovakia 1-4 Germany
Wales 3-1 Cyprus
*
15/11/06
Cyprus 1-1 Germany
Republic of Ireland 5-0 San Marino
*
07/02/07
San Marino 1-2 Republic of Ireland
*
24/03/07
Cyprus v Slovakia
Czech Republic v Germany
Republic of Ireland v Wales
*
28/03/07
Czech Republic v Cyprus
Republic of Ireland v Slovakia
Wales v San Marino
*
02/06/07
Germany v San Marino
Wales v Czech Republic
*
06/06/07
Germany v Slovakia
*
22/08/07
San Marino v Cyprus
*
08/09/2007
San Marino v Czech Republic
Wales v Germany
Slovakia v Republic of Ireland
*
12/09/2007
Czech Republic v Republic of Ireland
Cyprus v San Marino
Slovakia v Wales
*
13/10/2007
Republic of Ireland v Germany
Slovakia v San Marino
Cyprus v Wales
*
17/10/2007
Germany v Czech Republic
Republic of Ireland v Cyprus
San Marino v Wales
*
17/11/2007
Czech Republic v Slovakia
Germany v Cyprus
Wales v Republic of Ireland
*
21/11/2007
Cyprus v Czech Republic
Germany v Wales
San Marino v Slovakia
OXYMORONS
Oxymoron: a rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined.
*************
State Worker
Exact estimate
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Genuine imitation
Airline food
Good grief
Government organization
Alone together
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt head
Military Intelligence
Sweet Sorrow
"Now, then..."
Passive aggression
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Microsoft Works
Working vacation
Religious tolerance
*************
State Worker
Exact estimate
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Genuine imitation
Airline food
Good grief
Government organization
Alone together
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt head
Military Intelligence
Sweet Sorrow
"Now, then..."
Passive aggression
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Microsoft Works
Working vacation
Religious tolerance
ACTUAL SIGNS SEEN IN ENGLAND
1-Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
************************************************
2-Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
*******************************************************
3-In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
*******************************************************
4-Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.
*******************************************************
5-In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
*******************************************************
6-On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
*******************************************************
7-Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
*******************************************************
8-Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
*******************************************************
9-Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
*******************************************************
10-Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
*******************************************************
11-Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.
*******************************************************
12-Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
*******************************************************
13-Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.
*******************************************************
14-Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
*******************************************************
15-Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
*******************************************************
16-Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
*******************************************************
17-Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
*******************************************************
18-Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
*******************************************************
19-Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
*******************************************************
20-Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
*******************************************************
21-Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
*******************************************************
22-Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.
*******************************************************
23-Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
************************************************
2-Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.
*******************************************************
3-In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
*******************************************************
4-Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF.
*******************************************************
5-In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
*******************************************************
6-On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
*******************************************************
7-Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
*******************************************************
8-Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
*******************************************************
9-Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.
*******************************************************
10-Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
*******************************************************
11-Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.
*******************************************************
12-Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
*******************************************************
13-Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER.
*******************************************************
14-Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
*******************************************************
15-Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.
*******************************************************
16-Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.
*******************************************************
17-Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
*******************************************************
18-Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.
*******************************************************
19-Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
*******************************************************
20-Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
*******************************************************
21-Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
*******************************************************
22-Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT.
*******************************************************
23-Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
SAD, BUT TRUE
1) Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle get synchronised with that of a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic toy figurines assume intercourse positions is almost impossible to resist.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a flat ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to accidentally call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool while picking up a frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Elderly ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had their arm (or neck) broken by a swan.
30) The most painful common household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.
37) Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.
2) At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle get synchronised with that of a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether its OK to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
9) Whatever your age the desire to make plastic toy figurines assume intercourse positions is almost impossible to resist.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating an apple.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a flat ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to accidentally call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool while picking up a frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Elderly ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning you have never met anybody who has had their arm (or neck) broken by a swan.
30) The most painful common household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.
37) Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.
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