Monday, May 14, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 8.2
If you don't know what you are looking for, then how will you know how to find it. We had 2 hours to complete all three stages of this challenge. It took me about 1 hour & 20 minutes to clear stage 1. Fred cleared stage 1 in 1 hour & 22 minutes and Andy cleared stage 1 in 1 hour & 33 minutes. In stage 2, I did not realize that I was in a maze of some kind because I could only see a very small part of the big picture, so I did nothing about it. Fred & Andy were not as discouraged as I and each found a key (in the maze) worth +1 on the next Mole Quiz. These two Agents are more deserving of winning this game. I just wanted to see how far I could get by playing again. Good Luck to Fred & Andy...You have played this game much better than I have and one of you should win !
Sunday, May 13, 2007
THE FINAL CHALLENGE HAS ARRIVED
Andy, Fred & myself have been trying to come up with a time & date that works for all sice April 29. That day is here ! It will be this afternoon @ 5 PM. GOOD LUCK !
Sunday, April 29, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 8.1
THREE QUESTIONS: This was another one of those random guessing challenges that we did not do well in. The $4 prize was not added to the pot...no surprise there. The Mole did not have to mess this one up because we did it for him. I can only hope that we will be successful in the Final Challenge. It is not about the money anymore, it is about Team Pride for being able to work together to accomplish the mission. Note to Mole...Leave your EGO at the door when you come here to play for the last time!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
POST EXECUTION CONFESSIONAL FOR AGENT EVIN
OMG...This is not the way it was supposed to work out! Evin has been my choice for 1 of the Final 3 in this game for a long time. There is now a void in the game which can't be filled by those who remain. I really had much repect for the way he played this game. We both got frustrated by losing challenges, but showed it in different ways. If anyone thought that he was the Mole... THEY WERE WRONG! I hope you will keep in touch with us because you are a "Class Act" and a Great Player. Your presence in this game will be missed by all. Take Care, Evin and I hope to hear from you again.Sunday, April 8, 2007
PUBLIC CONFESSIONAL FOR CHALLENGE 7.1, 7.2, 7.3
WALL STREET: It was just too hard to make any serious money for the pot with this challenge. I am not a very good investor and my net loss with the stocks I picked was all the proof I needed. I don't know if the other 3 Agents did well. I am sure they will tell us in their own Blog.
MINDSWEEPER: I was lucky enough to get paired up with Fred in this challenge because he has an amazing understanding of how to play this game. As we got closer to the deadline, Host Ryan M let the two of us finish this game by ourselves. We were successful and added $ 3.50 to the Pot.
IN THE DARK: We only had 1 hour to complete this challenge. I found 1 key, Fred found 1 key & Evin found 2 keys...Andy was left with only himself and 4 matches. After many tries, the Guard could only beat Evin which caused him to lose his 2 keys. There was not enough time for Fred or myself to try to get them back from the Guard without risking our own keys. Nobody won Immunity.
Note: Fred is going into the next Mole Quiz with a +1 and I am going into the next Mole Quiz with a +2. This will make it tougher for Evin & Andy to make it to the FINAL 3 !
MINDSWEEPER: I was lucky enough to get paired up with Fred in this challenge because he has an amazing understanding of how to play this game. As we got closer to the deadline, Host Ryan M let the two of us finish this game by ourselves. We were successful and added $ 3.50 to the Pot.
IN THE DARK: We only had 1 hour to complete this challenge. I found 1 key, Fred found 1 key & Evin found 2 keys...Andy was left with only himself and 4 matches. After many tries, the Guard could only beat Evin which caused him to lose his 2 keys. There was not enough time for Fred or myself to try to get them back from the Guard without risking our own keys. Nobody won Immunity.
Note: Fred is going into the next Mole Quiz with a +1 and I am going into the next Mole Quiz with a +2. This will make it tougher for Evin & Andy to make it to the FINAL 3 !
Friday, April 6, 2007
How to Identify Where A Driver Is From...
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
List of U.S. Sanctuary Cities
Despite a federal law that requires local governments to cooperate with Department of Homeland Security's Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Agency, many large urban cities (and some small) have adopted so-called "sanctuary policies." Generally, sanctuary policies instruct city employees not to notify the federal government of the presence of illegal aliens living in their communities. The policies also end the distinction between legal and illegal immigration -- so illegal aliens often benefit from city services too.
The justification of creating sanctuary cities is often under the guise of protecting "immigrant rights." But illegal aliens are not immigrants -- immigrants come to the US legally, and maintain their legal presence. When a person is illegally smuggled into the US or knowingly violates their visa restrictions -- he/she is not an immigrant or visitor, but an illegal alien subject to deportation. The real reason behind sanctuary policies are public officials bowing to political pressure from the open-border lobby -- and/or an attempt to pander for votes at election time...
Alabaster, AL
Phoenix, AZ
Bell Gardens, CA
City of Industry, CA
City of Commerce, CA
Cypress, CA
Davis CA
Diamond Bar, CA
Downey, CA
Lakewood, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Long Beach, CA
Maywood, CA
Paramount, CA
Pico Rivera, CA
Sonoma County, CA
So. Gate, CA
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Vernon, CA
Wilmington, CA
Aurora, CO
Commerce City, CO
Denver, CO
Federal Heights, CO
Fort Collins CO
Thornton, CO
Westminster, CO
Springfield CT (Disputed)
DeLeon Springs, FL
Deltona, Fl
Miami, FL
Sanford, FL
Chicago, IL
Cambridge, MA
Baltmore, MD
Gaithersburg, MD
Takoma Park, MD
Minneapolis, MN
St. Paul, MN
Camden, NJ
Fort Lee, NJ
Jersey City, NJ
North Bergen, NJ
Trenton, NJ
Union City, NJ
West New York, NJ
Bay Shore, NY
Brentwood, NY
Central Islip, NY
Farmingville, NY
New York City, NY
Peekskill, NY
Riverhead, NY
Shirly/Mastic, NY
Uniondale, NY
Westbury, NY
Charlotte, NC
Raleigh, NC
Winston-Salem, NC
Portland, OR
Austin, TX
Brownsville, TX
Denton, TX
Dallas, TX
Ft.Worth, TX
Houston, TX
Laredo, TX
Mcallen, TX
San Antonio, TX [Note: The Sanctuary status of San Antonio is under dispute so OJJPAC is researching the issue to determine if the city’s belongs on this list or not.]
Provo, UT
Salt Lake City, UT
Fairfax County, VA
Madison, WI
Jackson Hole, WY
The justification of creating sanctuary cities is often under the guise of protecting "immigrant rights." But illegal aliens are not immigrants -- immigrants come to the US legally, and maintain their legal presence. When a person is illegally smuggled into the US or knowingly violates their visa restrictions -- he/she is not an immigrant or visitor, but an illegal alien subject to deportation. The real reason behind sanctuary policies are public officials bowing to political pressure from the open-border lobby -- and/or an attempt to pander for votes at election time...
Alabaster, AL
Phoenix, AZ
Bell Gardens, CA
City of Industry, CA
City of Commerce, CA
Cypress, CA
Davis CA
Diamond Bar, CA
Downey, CA
Lakewood, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Long Beach, CA
Maywood, CA
Paramount, CA
Pico Rivera, CA
Sonoma County, CA
So. Gate, CA
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Vernon, CA
Wilmington, CA
Aurora, CO
Commerce City, CO
Denver, CO
Federal Heights, CO
Fort Collins CO
Thornton, CO
Westminster, CO
Springfield CT (Disputed)
DeLeon Springs, FL
Deltona, Fl
Miami, FL
Sanford, FL
Chicago, IL
Cambridge, MA
Baltmore, MD
Gaithersburg, MD
Takoma Park, MD
Minneapolis, MN
St. Paul, MN
Camden, NJ
Fort Lee, NJ
Jersey City, NJ
North Bergen, NJ
Trenton, NJ
Union City, NJ
West New York, NJ
Bay Shore, NY
Brentwood, NY
Central Islip, NY
Farmingville, NY
New York City, NY
Peekskill, NY
Riverhead, NY
Shirly/Mastic, NY
Uniondale, NY
Westbury, NY
Charlotte, NC
Raleigh, NC
Winston-Salem, NC
Portland, OR
Austin, TX
Brownsville, TX
Denton, TX
Dallas, TX
Ft.Worth, TX
Houston, TX
Laredo, TX
Mcallen, TX
San Antonio, TX [Note: The Sanctuary status of San Antonio is under dispute so OJJPAC is researching the issue to determine if the city’s belongs on this list or not.]
Provo, UT
Salt Lake City, UT
Fairfax County, VA
Madison, WI
Jackson Hole, WY
Friday, March 30, 2007
Ten of the best April Fool's Day hoaxes
NEW YORK (AFP) - From television revealing that spaghetti grows on trees to advertisements for the left-handed burger, the tradition of April Fool's Day stories in the media has a weird and wonderful history.
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
40 Interesting Facts
1. California has issued at least 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.
2. Kangaroos can not walk backwards.
3. 'Jedi' is an official religion, with over 70,000 followers, in Australia.
4. According to a recent survey, more than half of British adults have had sex in a public place!
5. Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life.
6. Nachos is the food most craved by pregnant women.
7. Each year, 24,000 Americans are bitten by rats!
8. Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.
9. The hair of an adult man or woman can stretch 25 percent of its length without breaking.
10. On average, the life span of an American dollar bill is eighteen months.
11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
12. The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
13. Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second.
14. U.S. President Calvin Coolidge liked to eat breakfast while having his head rubbed with Vaseline.
15. When a giraffe's baby is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.
16. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
17. The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
18. How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
19. Penguins can convert salt water into fresh water.
20. In ten minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined!
21. The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.
22. During WWII, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become The Steagles.
23. Nearly 22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
24. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
25. There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.
26. There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.
27. More than 2 million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
28. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
29. Washington, D.C. has one lawyer for every 19 residents!
30. Avocados have more protein than any other fruit.
31. The average car produces a pound of pollution every 25 miles!
32. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
33. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die!
34. The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.
35. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
36. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
37. In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!
38. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
39. Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.
40. One in three male motorists picks their nose while driving.
2. Kangaroos can not walk backwards.
3. 'Jedi' is an official religion, with over 70,000 followers, in Australia.
4. According to a recent survey, more than half of British adults have had sex in a public place!
5. Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life.
6. Nachos is the food most craved by pregnant women.
7. Each year, 24,000 Americans are bitten by rats!
8. Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes.
9. The hair of an adult man or woman can stretch 25 percent of its length without breaking.
10. On average, the life span of an American dollar bill is eighteen months.
11. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
12. The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com.
13. Americans collectively eat one hundred pounds of chocolate every second.
14. U.S. President Calvin Coolidge liked to eat breakfast while having his head rubbed with Vaseline.
15. When a giraffe's baby is born it falls from a height of six feet, normally without being hurt.
16. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
17. The creator of the NIKE Swoosh symbol was paid only $35 for the design.
18. How does a shark find fish? It can hear their hearts beating.
19. Penguins can convert salt water into fresh water.
20. In ten minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined!
21. The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war.
22. During WWII, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become The Steagles.
23. Nearly 22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.
24. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
25. There are more fatal car accidents in July than any other month.
26. There are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.
27. More than 2 million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
28. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
29. Washington, D.C. has one lawyer for every 19 residents!
30. Avocados have more protein than any other fruit.
31. The average car produces a pound of pollution every 25 miles!
32. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
33. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die!
34. The most powerful electric eel is found in the rivers of Brazil, Columbia, Venezuela, and Peru, and produces a shock of 400-650 volts.
35. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
36. Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
37. In India, people are legally allowed to marry a dog!
38. You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark.
39. Half of all identity thieves are either relatives, friends, or neighbors of their victims.
40. One in three male motorists picks their nose while driving.
Just When You Think You Have It Bad, It Gets Worse...
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camo's and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It's performance art.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's thirteen.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camo's and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: So did the postman.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get tickets to the theatre.
Bad: It's performance art.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your car conveniently "runs out of gas."
Bad: For real.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right".
Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's thirteen.
Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune.
Bad: It's counterfeit.
Good: Your wife bought a porn video.
Bad: Your daughter's the star.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Worse: All of them.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
2008 UEFA Euro Qualifiers
Saturday, March 24, 2007 (All times are EDT)
IRELAND V. WALES @ 10.55 AM (aka-Padraig vs. David)
POLAND V. AZERBAIJAN @ 12.55 AM
LITHUANIA V. FRANCE @ 1.00 PM
ISRAEL V. ENGLAND @ 2.25 PM
ESTONIA V. RUSSIA @ 2.30 PM
GREECE V. TURKEY @ 3.30 PM
CZECH REPUBLIC V. GERMANY @ 3.45 PM
NORWAY V. BOSNIA @ 4.30 PM
PORTUGAL V. BELGIUM @ 6.00 PM
I will return sometime tonight...TTYL !
IRELAND V. WALES @ 10.55 AM (aka-Padraig vs. David)
POLAND V. AZERBAIJAN @ 12.55 AM
LITHUANIA V. FRANCE @ 1.00 PM
ISRAEL V. ENGLAND @ 2.25 PM
ESTONIA V. RUSSIA @ 2.30 PM
GREECE V. TURKEY @ 3.30 PM
CZECH REPUBLIC V. GERMANY @ 3.45 PM
NORWAY V. BOSNIA @ 4.30 PM
PORTUGAL V. BELGIUM @ 6.00 PM
I will return sometime tonight...TTYL !
Friday, March 23, 2007
Knight's Journey
The Brave Knight from the Kingdom of Chessboard has grown tired of the excessive usage of his L-shaped movement in various puzzles has decided to leave forever. However, he quickly realizes that his world is limited to a standard 8 by 8 chessboard. So instead of leaving, he opts to tour as many places on the chessboard without landing on any square twice and without ever crossing his path. The path he takes is defined as a straight line between the starting and ending squares. What path should he take?
What The New Job-Lingo Means
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Inspirational Phrases You Will Never Hear At Work...
1. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."
2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.
6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
7. 2 days without a human rights violation.
8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.
14. Plagiarism saves time.
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.
6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
7. 2 days without a human rights violation.
8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.
14. Plagiarism saves time.
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Idiots At Work - Chronicles Of Workplace Stupidity
A WEIGHTY SUBJECT
A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" The agent replied, "No, why do you ask?" The timid sounding woman said, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent regained her composure she explained to the woman that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. Makes you wonder if the woman saw the word “terminal” on her luggage if she would have thought she was really sick.
A REAL TRAVEL ADVENTURE
A rather confused woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." Needless to say, the agent was rather confused by the request. "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, I’m sure," said the client. "What flights to you have?" The agent got on the computer and tried every airport code in the country but couldn't come up with a city named Hippopotamus. She finally got back on the phone and told the person on the other end that she had had no luck locating a city with that name. "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured the map of New York state looking for any city that might vaguely sound or look like Hippopotamus. Finally, and as a last ditch effort; asked the woman, "You don’t, by any chance mean Buffalo, do you?" "Oh, right, that's it. I knew it was a big animal."
YOUR BRAIN - DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A woman had just purchased several items she needed from a department store and was handed the credit card receipt to sign. The cashier noticed that the back of the woman’s credit card wasn't signed and told her she couldn't complete the transaction without a signed card. The woman was slightly confused by this request but complied and signed the back of the card immediately after signing the receipt. The cashier took both the receipt and the card, held them up, and compared the signature. Surprisingly they matched.
THAT'S JUST GOOFY!
The management of Walt Disney World, after two months of negotiation, finally relented and no longer makes the costume character actors share their underwear. Before the final settlement the actors were only allowed to wear Disney provided underwear that were laundered and passed out randomly. The actor complained to management that the underwear was often not clean, smelled bad, had stains and "things have been passed around." Actors will now be allowed to have personal underwear, that Disney will issue, and the employees can take home and launder themselves. Of course this won't affect the character of Donald Duck because, as we know, he doesn’t wear any pants.
WORKING YOUR WAY UP FROM THE BOTTOM
A "Whistleblower" is someone who discovers and then reports illegal or unscrupulous activity in the workplace. One vigilant British worker, who obviously had some spare time on his hands or intestinal problems, measured several rolls of toilet paper and found they only had 200 sheets as opposed to the 320 sheets stated in the contract with the supplier. His employer, West Somerset District Council, demanded the vendor wipe the slate clean and was awarded $28,100. The employer's compensation for saving the company nearly $30,000? He was given a few days off. So if the company is ever "rolled" you can be sure who did it.
CRAZY HIRING PRACTICES
Disgruntled postal workers turning violent has become so commonplace even the worst stand-up comedians use it in their act. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission created the ultimate "punch" line in hiring practices. An article in the Employee Relations Law Journal explains, "Many individuals who become violent toward customers or coworkers suffer from some form of mental disorder. Yet for an employer to be too careful in screening potentially dangerous persons out of the work force is to invite liability for discrimination under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act), while to be not careful enough is to invite tragedy and horrendous liability for negligent hire or negligent retention." Damned if you do - damned if you don't - and damned if it isn't just going to get worse.
A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" The agent replied, "No, why do you ask?" The timid sounding woman said, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent regained her composure she explained to the woman that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. Makes you wonder if the woman saw the word “terminal” on her luggage if she would have thought she was really sick.
A REAL TRAVEL ADVENTURE
A rather confused woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." Needless to say, the agent was rather confused by the request. "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, I’m sure," said the client. "What flights to you have?" The agent got on the computer and tried every airport code in the country but couldn't come up with a city named Hippopotamus. She finally got back on the phone and told the person on the other end that she had had no luck locating a city with that name. "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured the map of New York state looking for any city that might vaguely sound or look like Hippopotamus. Finally, and as a last ditch effort; asked the woman, "You don’t, by any chance mean Buffalo, do you?" "Oh, right, that's it. I knew it was a big animal."
YOUR BRAIN - DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A woman had just purchased several items she needed from a department store and was handed the credit card receipt to sign. The cashier noticed that the back of the woman’s credit card wasn't signed and told her she couldn't complete the transaction without a signed card. The woman was slightly confused by this request but complied and signed the back of the card immediately after signing the receipt. The cashier took both the receipt and the card, held them up, and compared the signature. Surprisingly they matched.
THAT'S JUST GOOFY!
The management of Walt Disney World, after two months of negotiation, finally relented and no longer makes the costume character actors share their underwear. Before the final settlement the actors were only allowed to wear Disney provided underwear that were laundered and passed out randomly. The actor complained to management that the underwear was often not clean, smelled bad, had stains and "things have been passed around." Actors will now be allowed to have personal underwear, that Disney will issue, and the employees can take home and launder themselves. Of course this won't affect the character of Donald Duck because, as we know, he doesn’t wear any pants.
WORKING YOUR WAY UP FROM THE BOTTOM
A "Whistleblower" is someone who discovers and then reports illegal or unscrupulous activity in the workplace. One vigilant British worker, who obviously had some spare time on his hands or intestinal problems, measured several rolls of toilet paper and found they only had 200 sheets as opposed to the 320 sheets stated in the contract with the supplier. His employer, West Somerset District Council, demanded the vendor wipe the slate clean and was awarded $28,100. The employer's compensation for saving the company nearly $30,000? He was given a few days off. So if the company is ever "rolled" you can be sure who did it.
CRAZY HIRING PRACTICES
Disgruntled postal workers turning violent has become so commonplace even the worst stand-up comedians use it in their act. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission created the ultimate "punch" line in hiring practices. An article in the Employee Relations Law Journal explains, "Many individuals who become violent toward customers or coworkers suffer from some form of mental disorder. Yet for an employer to be too careful in screening potentially dangerous persons out of the work force is to invite liability for discrimination under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act), while to be not careful enough is to invite tragedy and horrendous liability for negligent hire or negligent retention." Damned if you do - damned if you don't - and damned if it isn't just going to get worse.
The Difference Between College And High School
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Hooters heading for Holy Land
JERUSALEM (Reuters) - U.S. restaurant chain Hooters, known for waitresses in low-cut blouses and short skirts, will open its first branch in Israel this summer, in the Mediterranean seaside city of Tel Aviv.
"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."
At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.
Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.
He said his plan was to open as many as five Hooters restaurants in the next few years, including one in the southern resort city of Eilat.
The Tel Aviv version of Hooters is expected to mimic most of the chain's other 430 restaurants in the United States and in 23 countries including China, Switzerland, Australia and Brazil.
Ahiraz said, however, he expected some minor modifications to meet Israeli tastes since U.S. chains have had a mixed response in Israel.
Food chains such as Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts and Hard Rock Cafe failed, Kentucky Fried Chicken closed many locations, while others such as Burger King and McDonalds have thrived by altering their offerings to suit the Israeli market.
"It shows that if you are flexible and listen to your customers you can be a success story," Ahiraz said.
The opening of Hooters in Israel is part of the chain's global expansion. Privately held Hooters said it planned to open 17 restaurants in Colombia, Dubai, Guam, New Zealand and India in the next two years.
"International expansion is a major focus for our company, and we are very excited to add Israel to our family," John Weber, executive vice president of franchise operations for Hooters of America, said in a statement.
"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."
At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.
Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.
He said his plan was to open as many as five Hooters restaurants in the next few years, including one in the southern resort city of Eilat.
The Tel Aviv version of Hooters is expected to mimic most of the chain's other 430 restaurants in the United States and in 23 countries including China, Switzerland, Australia and Brazil.
Ahiraz said, however, he expected some minor modifications to meet Israeli tastes since U.S. chains have had a mixed response in Israel.
Food chains such as Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts and Hard Rock Cafe failed, Kentucky Fried Chicken closed many locations, while others such as Burger King and McDonalds have thrived by altering their offerings to suit the Israeli market.
"It shows that if you are flexible and listen to your customers you can be a success story," Ahiraz said.
The opening of Hooters in Israel is part of the chain's global expansion. Privately held Hooters said it planned to open 17 restaurants in Colombia, Dubai, Guam, New Zealand and India in the next two years.
"International expansion is a major focus for our company, and we are very excited to add Israel to our family," John Weber, executive vice president of franchise operations for Hooters of America, said in a statement.
School sued over girl's socks
NAPA, Calif. - A seventh-grader might end up in court for wearing Winnie the Pooh socks to school. Toni Kay Scott, 14, was sent to an in-school suspension program called Students With Attitude Problems last year for violating a dress code, according to a lawsuit against the Napa Valley Unified School District and Redwood Middle School.
She had donned socks with the Tigger character from the Winnie the Pooh cartoons on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.
But the school's policy requires students to wear clothes with solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black. Permitted fabrics are cotton twill, corduroy and chino. No denim is allowed.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in Napa County Superior Court by The American Civil Liberties Union and a law firm on the girl's behalf, alleges that the dress code is unconstitutionally vague and too restrictive.
"We should be able to show everyone who we are and have a way to express ourselves, as long as we aren't showing off things that shouldn't be shown off at school," the teenager said in a statement.
The lawsuit said the policy goes too far and forces aesthetic conformity in the name of safety. The rules violate the California Education Code, said plaintiffs' attorney Sharon O'Grady.
A telephone message left Tuesday at Redwood Middle School was not immediately returned.
She had donned socks with the Tigger character from the Winnie the Pooh cartoons on them, along with a denim skirt and a brown shirt with a pink border.
But the school's policy requires students to wear clothes with solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black. Permitted fabrics are cotton twill, corduroy and chino. No denim is allowed.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in Napa County Superior Court by The American Civil Liberties Union and a law firm on the girl's behalf, alleges that the dress code is unconstitutionally vague and too restrictive.
"We should be able to show everyone who we are and have a way to express ourselves, as long as we aren't showing off things that shouldn't be shown off at school," the teenager said in a statement.
The lawsuit said the policy goes too far and forces aesthetic conformity in the name of safety. The rules violate the California Education Code, said plaintiffs' attorney Sharon O'Grady.
A telephone message left Tuesday at Redwood Middle School was not immediately returned.
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